One day I’ll write a story.
It would have to start with loss.
It feels like that is where my story started.
A story of having joy.
But not being able to access it.
Having lovely in your life.
While still feeling pain.
But the pain isn’t drama.
It isn’t yelling.
It isn’t sobbing.
It isn’t reacting.
It is just woven into your everyday.
It comes everywhere with you.
Then sometimes,
Just sometimes
It doesn’t show up
and you remember,
you remember how to feel
joy and love and gratitude
all at once
and you think you are fixed
you think you have finally moved on
but the next day
it’s back
and sits there with you
alongside everything.
Then you realize
that this isn’t your shadow,
your ruiner
it isn’t even an event,
another person,
it is you
another side of you
you finally reconcile
put your arm around
and say
“shall we go?”
and you get up
and you go
together
as one
as YOU
all you.